- The mental process of acceptance of any relationship or relating is felt as harmony and happiness and is supported by a physical experience of pleasure in varying degrees of intensity, usually accompanied or followed by playfulness in many different formats and in an atmosphere of joy and celebration... clearly homo ludens!
- When there is a mental difficulty with relating or when there is no acceptance of a nevertheless factually occurring relationship (when simple relating is jeopardized by resistance or objection to it) conflict instead of harmony, agony instead happiness are experienced accompanied by feelings of displeasure and anger. This displeasure and anger is subsequently carried by physical -emotional feelings which can be twofold:
- Physical non-pleasurable feelings of pain, the source of which can be threefold:
i) A memory of real physical pain from the time when a relationship became physically abusive,
ii) A memory of a model of pain held up as a threat of pain or punishment when a relationship became abusive,
iii) An additional new infliction of pain or punishment which can be of two kinds:
(a) New pain physically brought about by someone setting up a negative and dependent conditional relationship,
(b) New pain that is graphically alluded to by someone setting up a negative and dependent conditional relationship.
- Physical pleasurable feelings, feelings that are – and this may be surprising – curiously similar to those that come with an harmonious acceptance of relating… but now these feelings are of a gleeful nature producing a dubious sort of gratification, an enjoyment of the pain that may be happening to those to whom an easy acceptance of relating is denied.
But instead of happy playfulness there is now the play of conflict, possibly physical conflict. Instead of an atmosphere of celebration there is now one of destruction and attempts to obliterate chances for happiness to occur or reoccur. No celebration, but suffering. Instead of homo ludens… now deluded humans.
When factual relating and factual relationships are mentally resisted, denied or objected to, that resistance is experienced as conflict, anguish, agony or suffering – a mental separateness – that can indeed be called "illusion", as physical relating is actually and functionally taking place, albeit not supported by a clear and accepting mental recognition. This places the mind in a separate non-actual/non-factual pseudo-locale: it is not "with it" ("it" being reality)... hence the illusiveness that is part of suffering.